Recently I read an article titled “How to Write a How-To Guide” and now I’m totally qualified to write my own.

The logic of moving to Canada is quite a simple one, from what I garner. America has Trump, Britain has Brexit, and Australia has those scary spiders the size of your head. (Apparently, spiders trump bears and frostbite.) With all those great reasons¬† to move to Canada, let’s get this guide started!

The “How to Write a How-To Guide” guide had 5 manageable steps:¬† Know your topic, create a new document on a website, make a list of manageable steps, include images, and click publish. Wow, I’ve totally got this down. I’ve done all of this already, except making a list (and of course clicking publish). Let’s do that.

  1. To move to Canada, first you should know how to read. Got that? Great. (Then again, if you can’t read, this guide isn’t helping you much now, is it?) Now google your way to the immigrations Canada page and follow their step-by-step guide. It’s less manageable than mine, but that’s probably because they didn’t spend enough time reading “How to Write a How-To Guide” guides.
  2. Pack your stuff. If you’re coming to Vancouver, bring an umbrella. And maybe learn to swim, you know, just so you don’t drown in the rain. If you’re going to anywhere else in Canada, pack a parka. Probably more than one. And maybe an ice pick.
  3. Hold a farewell party. Tell all your friends and enemies. From your friends, you’ll probably get going-away presents and wishes of good luck. From your enemies, well, you may get presents from them too, just because they’re so relieved you’re leaving.
  4. Buy a plane ticket. Or a boat ticket, if you plan on a three-month journey. Or if you’re American, pack a portable DVD player to silence the kids (at least for a little while) and drive. Of course, if you live in Seattle, you won’t even need that unless you have really impatient kids.
  5. Upon arrival, prepare to indulge yourself in the Canadian life of maple syrup, “nice” folks, hockey, no guns, and heart attacks in the form of poutine. The end!

See, I have five manageable steps too. Oh, I missed one: bring all your money with you, because you’ll need it; our housing prices are absolute garbage unless you’re living in the boonies with the bears, and so are our other living expenses. Cheers!